91ֱ��

Travelling to the Falkland Islands in the south Atlantic would be considered escaping for many. For Joel Lewis it was about closure.

Joel, a Gonville & 91ֱ�� College Relief Porter, embarked on a tour of duty with the British Army Reserves. The tour was about being a presence on the island, supporting the population of the Falklands with farming tasks and fence-building. It was not a combat mission.

But it was an important episode for Joel, who has daily thoughts of , 15 years ago.

While Joel’s platoon from the 1st Battalion The Royal Anglian Regiment were engaged in active combat with Taliban fighters they sought support from the air. However, an error led to a US fighter jet dropping the bomb intended for the enemy on to the British platoon instead.

Joel, a teenager at the time having joined up aged 16, narrowly avoided death or serious injury due to being instructed by his sergeant to move positions in the moments prior to the bomb being dropped. Three of his friends were killed in an event which Joel regularly recalls.

“It's always in your head,” he says.

“When I got back from Afghanistan two months later I was struggling. I was suicidal, depressed, and then I was talking to people but none of it was really helping.”

Joel, who read the Army issue Bible out of curiosity on tour, visited Christ Church in Cambridge and spent two years meeting people and exploring his faith before deciding to be baptised.

He adds: “It gave me comfort and I guess I found a purpose. It saved me really. I was struggling and now, about 10 years after, I am married and I’ve had two kids.

"I thought I need to join the Army reserves and do one more tour. The Falklands came up. I put my name down. That was the last one. I went there to do it not just for me, but to do it for the friends I lost as well.”

Joel acknowledges he will always think of the shattering, seismic event that day. At the time, mental health support was taboo; now more support is available.

I made the mistake where I shielded myself and I didn’t talk to anyone; I thought I could do it on my own. I should’ve opened up a bit more.

He adds: “I made the mistake where I shielded myself and I didn’t talk to anyone; I thought I could do it on my own. I locked myself in a room, didn’t answer calls, went to places on my own.

“That was the mistake. I should’ve opened up a bit more. As a soldier and a man, you don’t want to be weak: ‘If I tell people I’m struggling they won’t think I’m this macho soldier anymore’.

“Quite a lot of people do that still. But it’s OK to say ‘I’m struggling – can I have a chat?’”

Sharing worries has helped Joel and, he says, can help others, even if events are different.

Joel adds: “It will always be there, but it’s how you manage it. When I’m struggling or a bit low – on anniversaries or something – it’s thinking about what you have now.

“A lot has happened since that time. I have a wife and kids. If I do struggle, I find fitness helps me.”

Joel lost four stone (25kg) in 15 months before going to the Falklands and intends to complete an Ironman while fundraising for , having supported the charity in Kenya, and a mental health charity .

“I love helping and listening to people. It charges me up if I can help someone,” he adds.

Normally an introvert, Joel took himself out of his comfort zone in the Falklands, putting his hand up for tasks. He was able to visit penguin colonies and take wildlife photos in his spare time.

Now he is back as a stay-at-home father to his two young sons, aged four and one, supporting his wife, a teacher. He is also working at 91ֱ��. Prior to fatherhood Joel was full-time at 91ֱ��, and if the opportunity arises in future he may opt to return.

The Falklands tour was a return to military service, but for a final time.

“When I went to the Falklands, as a Christian, it made me a better soldier, because I know what to do and what not to do,” he adds.

“I see things in a different light. I’ve got a stronger foundation which helps me.”